My dream

I'm so angry still from my dream last night. I wish I could all those things in person to you. One day I will ... one day, bitch.

By the way

.. if it wasn't for my amazing boyfriend I wouldn't have known about this band.  mmmm I can always count on Matt.

Northstar

I'm one of those people who say a lot of things they shouldn't say out loud.  I also cannot properly say things.  I tend to stop halfway in my sentences and have a new thought, mumble and talk low, words are all over the place, not grammatically correct.  I'm a mess when I talk, but in my head it is all good.  

So I skipped my Macro class that runs from 12:15-1:30 to study and went to her next class, 1:45-3:00 to take the test and skipped my Literacy's class.  Oh well.  The test was still hard but she says it only gets easier from here.  Fine if I have to I will come back after Chicago and take the test to drop my lowest grade.

My head hurts like I drank a lot of caffeine but I didn't my sleep patterns are awful.  Starting April 1st I want to detox and clean out my body.  I feel like I consume a lot of high fructose corn syrup, chemically manufactured foods that although may taste great are horrible for you.  Summer is coming I'll be able to get outside more.

I really want to get the bike tires pumped and fixed and go on bike rides.  I can't wait to be able to exercise.  

I applied to a job at the new Urban Outfitters coming to the Cherry Hill Mall in July 2009.  It's funny because I used to have this mentally of hating fashion, clothing, and whatnot.  Well I shouldn't say USED to because I still do, but I guess I'm clarifying my disapproval.  I think clothing is a form of expression and to be creative, not creative in a whorish, bratty, rich, materialistic snob.  I enjoy creativity, not my nose in the air.  My work has brought that out of me.

Northstar is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands.  Seriously, ALL of their songs are good.

MACROFUCKONOMICS

It's really ironic how much I can about passing a semester because I need to keep a certain GPA yet I have a big test tomorrow and not really prepared. UGHH.

tutoring or tudoring?

I tutor a boy that's a freshmen at WTHS.  It is becoming very frustrating, and sometimes to the point where I feel that I sound mean, but I have good intentions.  The whole year he went without knowing how to solve for x.  He does not know how to focus, so I guess I'll keep him line for the last  remaining week of the third marking period and hopefully in the fourth we'll be on track.

I have a big economics test on Monday that I'm really worried about.  I have to keep a 2.75 in for my History major, which shouldn't be bad.  But I mean I feel like I'm going to get a D.  I don't want to come back to school after Chicago, which is why I'm trying to take all of my finals the weeks before.  I can't believe it's almost April.

Chicago is coming up, and I need to save.  Plus I want to travel this summer!

I found out I have a myspace stalker. hmm

Desperate

must...find..motivation.

I promise myself to get my work done even if it requires me to stay up.

I've seemed to have neglected blog.

You know what I always find questionable, the amount of time one considers a nap.  I just slept from 7:30PM- 12:40 AM and I feel great, but did I sleep for my not-daily-recommended amount or did I nap? Weird.

 I had a pretty good spring break.  Worked, went out, etc without actually even getting to any of the school work I planned on, oh well.

Lately I've been really thinking about planning a vacation for the end of the summer, I don't know where exactly or with who, so for now I'm accepting ideas and companions.  

Religulous

I'm so glad I never have to worry about converting and religious conflicts with my boyfriend.

It's about each other, love, and care NOT about the existence  or acknowledgement about some clouded conscious driven figure.

So many ass clowns in the generation.  

Weed

If no air headed politician will legalize cannabis sometime soon then I will.  Can we man up legalize the shit so we can save the world by using hemp for everything?  Why doesn't anyone think?

now help me here.

So I've noticed recently the reactions I get when people find out I'm vegan.  Opposed to how it used to be, which majority of it was: "Where do you get your protein?" "What do you eat?", it's more like: "I could never do that".

It's funny, because anyone could, the power of ignorance!

Am I stronger because I have intellectually and thoughtfully decided to make myself and the world a better place due to my diet?  

I say strong because all the carnivorous people think they are so strong because they get "protein" and consume an All-American traditional meaty, strong diet.. HAH.. HAH. HA-HA. 

People are so silly, yikes.

Well at least they can admit their weaknesses, I'll give them credit for that.

Dr. Manhattan

I saw Watchmen last night with Matt.  I loved that movie, I love comic movies.  I felt that this one had more meaning to it then any other one though.  It was really interesting how  they made it to an alter ending for the United States in the 80's.

Nuclear Warfare.  Sometimes this freaks me out so much I want to build a bomb shelter in the Badlands other times I feel completely against it and feel it will never happen in my lifetime.  Same with the whole 12/12/12.  Yeah sure the Mayans predicted a bunch of other disasters, but what is it suppose to mean if it means anything at all.  I don't want to be one of those crazies that is an example of cognitive dissonance.  Tis why I stay out of it.

I'll go on later.  But Dr. Manhattan was my favorite.

"Just love a world that won't love me back"

Changes in outing patterns

I used to go out ALL the time.  I'd never bee in the house.  Now-a-days it seems the only places I see are my house, the mall, and/or school.  It is really starting to suck and causing me to be really bitter.  It's not exactly anyone, I don't think, it's more or less me trying to save money and being angry towards the winter, not that I have a cold and (besides this snow) it's getting towards spring, I'm starting to realize my hibernation and need to go out.  Hopefully this week I can get out more.  I just want to do well in school also. 

Why does the school food have to have some sort of laxative in it, because it makes me stomach hurt.

Today my first class I only had to drop off a paper and my next class my teacher didn't show up. 

Stealing .... your dignity?

My phone rang, well vibrated, it was work, and I know what that means, I'm coming in early.  I was so excited.  I saturate myself in as many hours as I can.  I get ready, get a pick 5, and get to work early.  So after awhile of me ringing, Lindz mentioned something about a girl in pink stealing something and putting it in her purse.  I immediately switched my attention to finding this girl, and conveniently she was in my line.  I looked over, saw her rather unattractive, Louis Vouitton purse unzipped and their bright as a sunny day the pink and grey-ish buffalo checker shirt she had oh-so maliciously & secretively (Not really though) stolen.  Fail, I saw it. I eyed down that shirt and my eyes rose up, and stared her dead in the face, then continued to sternly, and with a bold loud voice (so she could hear me obviously) say into my head set, "I see her and the shirt", yeah no fucking way bitch.  Her little idiotic friends decide to scramble about putting all the things back that they took and they scurry out the store, she followed and let my line, with the shirt, and she then left.  But the rent-a-cops got her and someone from the Moorestown police department came.

Okay, so why did I explain all that?  Well not only was it a rather extraordinary event and rare scene in my life but it bothered me.  I don't know what this says about my job and I, but regardless of where I'm working, I hate dealing with idiots. If your going to steal, don't let anyone see it.  I'm not exactly supporting stealing but I'm also not supporting committing a crime in the worst way.  They deserve to get caught, just like anyone does when they make it obvious.  It also bothered me that I didn't say something.  I know my company is really iffy about approaching shop lifters and what not.  Plus I could feel my adrenaline rising immensely fast and I know if I said anything, I would have blew my kettle.  I don't know, can't say I've never stolen a thing before, maybe nothing like a $40 shirt, but it bothered, maybe I've grown up? I'm not sure, it's such a debatable topic.  This shows how awful the economy is, more crime, no one has money to afford anything, and everyone always wants new things, mine as well steal it right? Or maybe I just hate it when shit gets stolen and then at work we get bitched at for it and we lose money and that's less to the day and that means less hours.

Being at work makes me really not like people.  I do honestly spill my guts to how I feel about people and their stupidity.  For example: There was a promotion, Buy ONE get ONE HALF OFF,  all CLEARANCE items. Yes, there's the most simplest and descriptive statement about the promotion.  So I had a woman come up to my line and almost every one of her items were new. I figured cool more money for us, but at the same time I had a feeling something was coming up, no one buys all new stuff after the holidays.  I ring her up like any normally bundle f things and give her the total.

"WHAT?! Isn't everything bogo???"

"No, the sale is BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF CLEARANCE "

"That's not what the girls said at the door"

I then proceed to ask  over the headset, addressing to the two coworkers up front, Marielle and Erin, the woman's issue and I asked what they said.  One didn't even say anything and the other said the correct promotion.  

"No, they did not say that, you just heard what you wanted to hear"

"No, That's what they said!"

"No, you have selected hearing and heard BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF, not the CLEARANCE part because you didn't want to"

and she sighed and paid. 

I was being honest in the most calm way possible, but sometimes the truth hurts, deal with it.

I'm really hoping I don't have school tomorrow.  Not that I can't sleep in normally on Monday's nor do I ever do anyway, but I'd have a WHOLE free day, so it'd be like a 4-day weekend.  This semester is hard, I don't know why.  

Part of me wants to believe the news on their theory that it is going to snow here in South Jersey about 6-10", part of me thinks it is a load of shit.  But it seemed like the sky was having a case of flurry diarrhea I'll listen to my own personal philosophy and believe when I see it.

I had the most awful dream last night.  My brother died.  I can't remember how, it was something tragic though and I remember bawling my eyes out because everything I saw reminded me of him.  It was terrible and I wanted it to end.  I've never had the strongest most personal relationship with my brother and I feel like this dream proved that even though we don't have that kind of relationship, I still really care about the kid. 

At work, one of my co-workers, Ali, was telling me about how she's been to at least 11 countries and all these crazy trips and it really made me feel like I haven't experienced enough traveling. I mean I know I'm only 19.. in 2 months, but I just feel that I don't know what is suppose to happen in the future, and I like to take advantage of every moment I can.  So I began a new ambition, to save to travel.  Even if it is for a week, I'll drink as much black tea my kidneys and bladder can handle and stay up to everything.  But Matt's mom even said to me how she regrets not traveling as much as she should have when she had the chance.  I'll take her pseudo advice.  

Speaking of Matt, he needs to get here to try the amazing Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter milk shake I made!!!!