trying to write until 4:30 am... go to school type in my second class and break, get at least 6 pages and I will be done.  

didn't put work into my mid term got an a

didn't put work into my babbitt assignment got a B

i think I'll be okay. grrr

Matt slept on the couch for awhile, his presence kind of relaxed me, and i got a lot done, but then he left :( poop!

I'm certainly not as ambitious as Napoleon.

12:52 am (as if you can't see that below) and still on my first. *say this in your head like it's some mystery movie or like Roschach does in Watchmen*

So due to my extreme procrastination and finding every way, sub consciously (i swear) to avoid typing my papers, I bought a Rebel xti SLR digital camera today.  I can't wait to get back in Photography.  The passion will NEVER leave me.  I just have to remember how to use everything.  Perfect timing too, summer starting.  

So I was looking up train rides, well traveling by train, and I think I'd really like to do.  Maybe start out small, to get used to the ride, but then expand.  Seattle looks good.

Leaving for Chicago 24 hours from now.  

I seriously have never had such a hard time trying to write 2 papers.  Fuck they are both due tomorrow.  one at 12:15 the other at 3:15... which i can sorta write some tomorrow.  But I need to get the other one done.  I'm too excited for thursday and school being over. ughh

I think a girl wanted to fight me today. I got to school early so I could wait for a spot in the close parking lot and while waiting another girl comes and waits RIGHT in front of me.. hello?? So I saw a woman walk out to hr car, the girl usher blinker on I start backing up to get te spot to try around and pull in and the bitch think se can gtet it... But she can't .. Aha victory ! I learned in drivers ed courtesy while driving is give the spot to te person who was waiting first.

I love how I can update from my phone now & that Matt hs a blog! :) now my teacher has to re login or something oh jeez. Well after this my day is done.. Then to writing papers. Bahh
I can't wait for thursday !!

Well at least that is over with now time to cross my fingers *pretend that actually works*

like a sponge being drained

I 

am

sick

of

this 

class.

I 

want

to

live 

in 

Europe

and

get

a 

free

college

tuition

through

a

european

union

school.

thank

you

and

goodnight

probably 

not

because 

my 

belly

and 

head

ache

starting

thursday

i

will

have

no

more

complaints.

i 

have 

been

waiting

for 

that

day

so 

long

Testing 1,2,3

Tofu mania

Tonight Taylor and I made Stuffed Shells with Vegan Ricotta Cheese Filling (Tofu, etc) and Tomato and sliced mushrooms all from scratch (except the pasta). Also in the fridge we have Vegan Peanut Butter Pie (Tofu based) chilling. I can't wait to eat, it's going to be really tasty. I'm posting this to remind Tay and myself of times/things we've cooked before. This was my first time ever making stuffed shells, it was really fun. Yum.

-Matt

Routine

I hate my routine

I hate rarely ever seeing anyone

I hate talking to myself more than people and them via text, AIM, late at night, for an hour, or if they respond

I hate always driving

I hate this constant stress on my head

I hate getting up early

I hate saying I can't do anything because I have "school, tutoring, work"

I hate when I do have time, no one else does, they are at work, school or doing "something better" 

I hate not eating a proper diet, and on-the-go food, and shoving things down my throat because I don't have time

I hate not having self-relaxtion time

I hate worrying all the time, I always think something is wrong, someone is going to get hurt.

I hate being tired and when I do go out I fall asleep

I don't like using the word hate but it quickly and simply describes how I feeling without describing how "i really don't like.."

I'm so bothered, I feel lonely, and kind of confused, I have things on track but not. I don't feel successful.

I want to sleep

I want to not worry

I want to read a book for the sake of reading

I want to make lavish meals

I want to go on vacation

I want to go in a sauna and come out when my skin feels like a prune.

I want to sit in a car or a bus as it drives and just look out the window and just listen to music

I want to not think a lot and just listen to other people, but literally listen

I'm just so angry right now grr.  What'sa girl to do?

just because your not 21 doesn't mean you can't have any fun

Matt's birthday party was so much fun.  I'm completely satisfies with the outcome and if there is anybody that didn't come then that is their loss. I'm also very happy with my improvement in baking, if I wasn't already going to college, I'd go to culinary school. I'm SO exhausted.  This week is going to SUCK.

Home sweet home

Simba is home!

One of the worst days of my life

Simba was probably my best friend.  He is now a missing friend, M.I.A and needs to come home.  I've had my big Simba since I was 2, I'm not pretty much 19, besides the obvious being my mom, Simba has been my first real attachment.  I feel so heart broken.  I hate being in my house, I'm going nuts, I keep crying every time I think of him. I don't know why he would leave the house.  I want to know he is okay, that he is safe, warm, is fed, is hydrated, isn't injured etc.  Most of all I want him home.  There's nothing worse then losing a loved one. I loved Simba, he was always there, a big, warm, fuzzy cat to brighten me up when I was down, help me fall asleep, be there when I woke up, lay with me on the couch.  He'd always listen to how I was feeling and make me feel better.  I just want him to be home, please, anyone bring him home.

April Showers

Leave me to stay inside often which also leads me to get all of my work done. This month is going to be so hard to get through.  I decided to stay in the Macro class.  I realized my average was a lot higher, she's letting me do an extra credit, there is another test I can take to drop my 54, and I don't want to spend another semester learning all of the material we covered in the beginning of the semester.

Other then that I have a paper due in every other one of my classes.  Luckily I only have 3 finals which will all be easy.

I was so stressed today I think my body gave me a caffeine rush or something.  It hurt my head for awhile then BOOM I was energetic, now I'm crashing.. but I still have work to do. Blahh.  Time is going by fast which is good, but too fast for me to keep up sometimes.