Life is great. I love everything about every day. There are bad days, i.e. when it snows and I can't go anywhere, but it's temporary. Overall I've woken up in a good mood everyay.
Things to look forward to:
-Rhode Island next week?
-New Years Eve, don't know what I'm going to do but lets hope it's good
- Seeing ALL twice in the same week
-Possible ski trip
-Tennessee + Atlanta to see Saves the Day
-Seeing Saves the Day ad NFG multiple times
-San Fran for a week with Lindsay, and seeing STD there

This is the good life.

Dear blog,

sorry I've ignored you, I'll try and return. I'm currently enjoying the new me, and maybe you will too.

sincerely, me

to do's

save money for:

kayak

trips (florida specifically)

paying off credit car

paying off the bank

paying off my car

fixing the mirror on my car

sigg water bottle (hk one)

make time for:

minimizing my bedroom

$$$$$

The bank is the worst & making me so angry. I've never felt so short circuited and it's rough because I don't like get angry over dumb things at Matt or anybody. Like today, it was awesome and we went to Island State Park with Rae and Chris. Matt took me to a part where we promised each other to go and I just felt grumpy the first part. I regret that now. I loved it there with him.

GRUMP

So mad I'm missing my $55 from selling clothes. Also angry at: stuffy nose/congestion, head aches, spilling agave on me, burning my popcorn, flad questioning me about something irrelevant and old, and work early

On the brighter side, I purchased 3.33lbs of blueberries, freshly picked by myself and Matt at Conte's today for only $5.80, so much to make, so little time.

first timer

Okay, c'mon now... who wanted to get into my email, facebook & blog that bad?

Tonight was a very fun night, & off to get up very early for a yard sale, work, cleaning up yard sale, & 2 bbq's

Pit tickets for Susquehanna bank center and tickets for borgota, i love matt & life.

It'll be nice to hopefully move out soon.  

Working on a second job currently, and at least temporarily.

Success at the yard sale tomorrow would be nice too.

Short, sweet, & to the point.

Grump

Being sick + lack of sleep + uncomfortable little sleep = an iddle grumpy me wah wah. 

Need to get everything on track. 

Other than that life is good, job interview at Urban Outfitters tomorrow, then tutoring, then done for the weekend!

yay for lambz

Immovable

I'd like to add, since I failed to in the past weeks, how much Burning Fight has changed my outlook on life.  It was a spiritual experience per-say for me, and very enlightening.  Just the crowd, what people said in between bands with random speeches, what the bands had to say, their song meanings in general, and what is said in the book Burning Fight, it makes me feel so great.  I feel a sense of being able to express how I feel, even if it is through singing along, I know everyone there has the same or at least similar opinions as me.  It just feels right.

On Saturday night, after Katie's going away party Becky, Rae and I started driving up to Burlington, Vermont to see Outlast and surprise all of them.  The drive wasn't that long, I was just tired, and after awhile, switched with Rae, then switched again.  We finally got there about 9AM.  Most of the day was spent by Lake Champlain and sleeping at the skate park.  Got food at this awesome co-op.  Went to an organic pizza place, and the vegan pizza wasn't vegan because it has eggs in it, wtf?  But the guy gave us walnuts covered in deliciousness.  Feel asleep there.  Went to another co-op for food.  Why can't co-op's be as common down here as they are up there? Oh because I live is suburbia yuppie vill grrr.  All hippies up there, loved it.  The kids were adorable. Everyone had kids and dogs and bikes.  Later we went to the co-op again, saw the boys and there were definitely surprised, :).  Went to the show & it was awesome.  Everyone up there was really nice, talkative, accepting, and friendly.  Matt was right (as per usual) & it just made me realize how stuck up people are or can be down here about irrelevant things like whose got the best this that and the other thing and who is the hardest, who listens to better bands, got better older shirts and shoes, just silly stuff that shouldn't be worried about because it isn't a competition. But anyway, the show was a lot of fun, even though we (at least Becky & I) saw them on Friday.  We then left around 10pm, got home at 730am... we stopped and slept for 2 hours.  

The trip was so much fun, I wouldn't mind going up there for shows and going away for 2 days, it was a lot of fun and my kind of environment.  Now I'm back to down here and have work tonight from 5:30-1:30am.. maybe I could get out earlier.  Matt's here :)

Walnuts roasted in maple syrup & brown sugar then on sheet sprinkle organic sugar... Make sure it doesn't burn! This guy is awesome. Longest day.

Once again running on 1.5 hours of sleep, & mostly driving, love my life & sleeping in skate parks mooore later I feel nausea coming on from the elevator & no sleep

Birthday

I had the best birthday ever, no, but really, I did. Matt made me a delicious breakfast & made such a meaningful card for me I just want to read it constantly.  I can't wait until Sunday's surprise road trip, I just really have to clean up my life a.k.a my car and room.  I'm so tired & had very good talks with my friends tonight.  Also, this season finale of The Office was really good, I can't wait until the next season, which will of course probably be September.  Speaking of TV shows, Weeds, where are you? Today was an overall spectacular day. So sleepy.

SHUT UP

I'm not even part of this and I feel like I'm organically being consumed, which sucks, drama is annoying & immature.  

On the better note, summer started.

Hahahahhahaahahahahahhahahh

PUNK AS FUCK

I had the best weekend ever.  No show/fest could ever beat it, and all worth every cent, second, and bruise.

didn't sleep for almost 24 hours drove 15 hours to chicago (did not drive the entire way) slept from 8pm until 9am. Seeing amazing bands today. Ride was nuts, & indiana & ohio are the most boring and flat states.. Pennsylvania was pretty at parts. Saw cows & ate lots of junk food. Found a cheap amazing burrito place. Very excited for today

trying to write until 4:30 am... go to school type in my second class and break, get at least 6 pages and I will be done.  

didn't put work into my mid term got an a

didn't put work into my babbitt assignment got a B

i think I'll be okay. grrr

Matt slept on the couch for awhile, his presence kind of relaxed me, and i got a lot done, but then he left :( poop!

I'm certainly not as ambitious as Napoleon.

12:52 am (as if you can't see that below) and still on my first. *say this in your head like it's some mystery movie or like Roschach does in Watchmen*

So due to my extreme procrastination and finding every way, sub consciously (i swear) to avoid typing my papers, I bought a Rebel xti SLR digital camera today.  I can't wait to get back in Photography.  The passion will NEVER leave me.  I just have to remember how to use everything.  Perfect timing too, summer starting.  

So I was looking up train rides, well traveling by train, and I think I'd really like to do.  Maybe start out small, to get used to the ride, but then expand.  Seattle looks good.

Leaving for Chicago 24 hours from now.  

I seriously have never had such a hard time trying to write 2 papers.  Fuck they are both due tomorrow.  one at 12:15 the other at 3:15... which i can sorta write some tomorrow.  But I need to get the other one done.  I'm too excited for thursday and school being over. ughh

I think a girl wanted to fight me today. I got to school early so I could wait for a spot in the close parking lot and while waiting another girl comes and waits RIGHT in front of me.. hello?? So I saw a woman walk out to hr car, the girl usher blinker on I start backing up to get te spot to try around and pull in and the bitch think se can gtet it... But she can't .. Aha victory ! I learned in drivers ed courtesy while driving is give the spot to te person who was waiting first.

I love how I can update from my phone now & that Matt hs a blog! :) now my teacher has to re login or something oh jeez. Well after this my day is done.. Then to writing papers. Bahh
I can't wait for thursday !!

Well at least that is over with now time to cross my fingers *pretend that actually works*

like a sponge being drained

I 

am

sick

of

this 

class.

I 

want

to

live 

in 

Europe

and

get

a 

free

college

tuition

through

a

european

union

school.

thank

you

and

goodnight

probably 

not

because 

my 

belly

and 

head

ache

starting

thursday

i

will

have

no

more

complaints.

i 

have 

been

waiting

for 

that

day

so 

long

Testing 1,2,3

Tofu mania

Tonight Taylor and I made Stuffed Shells with Vegan Ricotta Cheese Filling (Tofu, etc) and Tomato and sliced mushrooms all from scratch (except the pasta). Also in the fridge we have Vegan Peanut Butter Pie (Tofu based) chilling. I can't wait to eat, it's going to be really tasty. I'm posting this to remind Tay and myself of times/things we've cooked before. This was my first time ever making stuffed shells, it was really fun. Yum.

-Matt

Routine

I hate my routine

I hate rarely ever seeing anyone

I hate talking to myself more than people and them via text, AIM, late at night, for an hour, or if they respond

I hate always driving

I hate this constant stress on my head

I hate getting up early

I hate saying I can't do anything because I have "school, tutoring, work"

I hate when I do have time, no one else does, they are at work, school or doing "something better" 

I hate not eating a proper diet, and on-the-go food, and shoving things down my throat because I don't have time

I hate not having self-relaxtion time

I hate worrying all the time, I always think something is wrong, someone is going to get hurt.

I hate being tired and when I do go out I fall asleep

I don't like using the word hate but it quickly and simply describes how I feeling without describing how "i really don't like.."

I'm so bothered, I feel lonely, and kind of confused, I have things on track but not. I don't feel successful.

I want to sleep

I want to not worry

I want to read a book for the sake of reading

I want to make lavish meals

I want to go on vacation

I want to go in a sauna and come out when my skin feels like a prune.

I want to sit in a car or a bus as it drives and just look out the window and just listen to music

I want to not think a lot and just listen to other people, but literally listen

I'm just so angry right now grr.  What'sa girl to do?

just because your not 21 doesn't mean you can't have any fun

Matt's birthday party was so much fun.  I'm completely satisfies with the outcome and if there is anybody that didn't come then that is their loss. I'm also very happy with my improvement in baking, if I wasn't already going to college, I'd go to culinary school. I'm SO exhausted.  This week is going to SUCK.

Home sweet home

Simba is home!

One of the worst days of my life

Simba was probably my best friend.  He is now a missing friend, M.I.A and needs to come home.  I've had my big Simba since I was 2, I'm not pretty much 19, besides the obvious being my mom, Simba has been my first real attachment.  I feel so heart broken.  I hate being in my house, I'm going nuts, I keep crying every time I think of him. I don't know why he would leave the house.  I want to know he is okay, that he is safe, warm, is fed, is hydrated, isn't injured etc.  Most of all I want him home.  There's nothing worse then losing a loved one. I loved Simba, he was always there, a big, warm, fuzzy cat to brighten me up when I was down, help me fall asleep, be there when I woke up, lay with me on the couch.  He'd always listen to how I was feeling and make me feel better.  I just want him to be home, please, anyone bring him home.

April Showers

Leave me to stay inside often which also leads me to get all of my work done. This month is going to be so hard to get through.  I decided to stay in the Macro class.  I realized my average was a lot higher, she's letting me do an extra credit, there is another test I can take to drop my 54, and I don't want to spend another semester learning all of the material we covered in the beginning of the semester.

Other then that I have a paper due in every other one of my classes.  Luckily I only have 3 finals which will all be easy.

I was so stressed today I think my body gave me a caffeine rush or something.  It hurt my head for awhile then BOOM I was energetic, now I'm crashing.. but I still have work to do. Blahh.  Time is going by fast which is good, but too fast for me to keep up sometimes.

My dream

I'm so angry still from my dream last night. I wish I could all those things in person to you. One day I will ... one day, bitch.

By the way

.. if it wasn't for my amazing boyfriend I wouldn't have known about this band.  mmmm I can always count on Matt.

Northstar

I'm one of those people who say a lot of things they shouldn't say out loud.  I also cannot properly say things.  I tend to stop halfway in my sentences and have a new thought, mumble and talk low, words are all over the place, not grammatically correct.  I'm a mess when I talk, but in my head it is all good.  

So I skipped my Macro class that runs from 12:15-1:30 to study and went to her next class, 1:45-3:00 to take the test and skipped my Literacy's class.  Oh well.  The test was still hard but she says it only gets easier from here.  Fine if I have to I will come back after Chicago and take the test to drop my lowest grade.

My head hurts like I drank a lot of caffeine but I didn't my sleep patterns are awful.  Starting April 1st I want to detox and clean out my body.  I feel like I consume a lot of high fructose corn syrup, chemically manufactured foods that although may taste great are horrible for you.  Summer is coming I'll be able to get outside more.

I really want to get the bike tires pumped and fixed and go on bike rides.  I can't wait to be able to exercise.  

I applied to a job at the new Urban Outfitters coming to the Cherry Hill Mall in July 2009.  It's funny because I used to have this mentally of hating fashion, clothing, and whatnot.  Well I shouldn't say USED to because I still do, but I guess I'm clarifying my disapproval.  I think clothing is a form of expression and to be creative, not creative in a whorish, bratty, rich, materialistic snob.  I enjoy creativity, not my nose in the air.  My work has brought that out of me.

Northstar is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands.  Seriously, ALL of their songs are good.

MACROFUCKONOMICS

It's really ironic how much I can about passing a semester because I need to keep a certain GPA yet I have a big test tomorrow and not really prepared. UGHH.

tutoring or tudoring?

I tutor a boy that's a freshmen at WTHS.  It is becoming very frustrating, and sometimes to the point where I feel that I sound mean, but I have good intentions.  The whole year he went without knowing how to solve for x.  He does not know how to focus, so I guess I'll keep him line for the last  remaining week of the third marking period and hopefully in the fourth we'll be on track.

I have a big economics test on Monday that I'm really worried about.  I have to keep a 2.75 in for my History major, which shouldn't be bad.  But I mean I feel like I'm going to get a D.  I don't want to come back to school after Chicago, which is why I'm trying to take all of my finals the weeks before.  I can't believe it's almost April.

Chicago is coming up, and I need to save.  Plus I want to travel this summer!

I found out I have a myspace stalker. hmm

Desperate

must...find..motivation.

I promise myself to get my work done even if it requires me to stay up.

I've seemed to have neglected blog.

You know what I always find questionable, the amount of time one considers a nap.  I just slept from 7:30PM- 12:40 AM and I feel great, but did I sleep for my not-daily-recommended amount or did I nap? Weird.

 I had a pretty good spring break.  Worked, went out, etc without actually even getting to any of the school work I planned on, oh well.

Lately I've been really thinking about planning a vacation for the end of the summer, I don't know where exactly or with who, so for now I'm accepting ideas and companions.  

Religulous

I'm so glad I never have to worry about converting and religious conflicts with my boyfriend.

It's about each other, love, and care NOT about the existence  or acknowledgement about some clouded conscious driven figure.

So many ass clowns in the generation.  

Weed

If no air headed politician will legalize cannabis sometime soon then I will.  Can we man up legalize the shit so we can save the world by using hemp for everything?  Why doesn't anyone think?

now help me here.

So I've noticed recently the reactions I get when people find out I'm vegan.  Opposed to how it used to be, which majority of it was: "Where do you get your protein?" "What do you eat?", it's more like: "I could never do that".

It's funny, because anyone could, the power of ignorance!

Am I stronger because I have intellectually and thoughtfully decided to make myself and the world a better place due to my diet?  

I say strong because all the carnivorous people think they are so strong because they get "protein" and consume an All-American traditional meaty, strong diet.. HAH.. HAH. HA-HA. 

People are so silly, yikes.

Well at least they can admit their weaknesses, I'll give them credit for that.

Dr. Manhattan

I saw Watchmen last night with Matt.  I loved that movie, I love comic movies.  I felt that this one had more meaning to it then any other one though.  It was really interesting how  they made it to an alter ending for the United States in the 80's.

Nuclear Warfare.  Sometimes this freaks me out so much I want to build a bomb shelter in the Badlands other times I feel completely against it and feel it will never happen in my lifetime.  Same with the whole 12/12/12.  Yeah sure the Mayans predicted a bunch of other disasters, but what is it suppose to mean if it means anything at all.  I don't want to be one of those crazies that is an example of cognitive dissonance.  Tis why I stay out of it.

I'll go on later.  But Dr. Manhattan was my favorite.

"Just love a world that won't love me back"

Changes in outing patterns

I used to go out ALL the time.  I'd never bee in the house.  Now-a-days it seems the only places I see are my house, the mall, and/or school.  It is really starting to suck and causing me to be really bitter.  It's not exactly anyone, I don't think, it's more or less me trying to save money and being angry towards the winter, not that I have a cold and (besides this snow) it's getting towards spring, I'm starting to realize my hibernation and need to go out.  Hopefully this week I can get out more.  I just want to do well in school also. 

Why does the school food have to have some sort of laxative in it, because it makes me stomach hurt.

Today my first class I only had to drop off a paper and my next class my teacher didn't show up. 

Stealing .... your dignity?

My phone rang, well vibrated, it was work, and I know what that means, I'm coming in early.  I was so excited.  I saturate myself in as many hours as I can.  I get ready, get a pick 5, and get to work early.  So after awhile of me ringing, Lindz mentioned something about a girl in pink stealing something and putting it in her purse.  I immediately switched my attention to finding this girl, and conveniently she was in my line.  I looked over, saw her rather unattractive, Louis Vouitton purse unzipped and their bright as a sunny day the pink and grey-ish buffalo checker shirt she had oh-so maliciously & secretively (Not really though) stolen.  Fail, I saw it. I eyed down that shirt and my eyes rose up, and stared her dead in the face, then continued to sternly, and with a bold loud voice (so she could hear me obviously) say into my head set, "I see her and the shirt", yeah no fucking way bitch.  Her little idiotic friends decide to scramble about putting all the things back that they took and they scurry out the store, she followed and let my line, with the shirt, and she then left.  But the rent-a-cops got her and someone from the Moorestown police department came.

Okay, so why did I explain all that?  Well not only was it a rather extraordinary event and rare scene in my life but it bothered me.  I don't know what this says about my job and I, but regardless of where I'm working, I hate dealing with idiots. If your going to steal, don't let anyone see it.  I'm not exactly supporting stealing but I'm also not supporting committing a crime in the worst way.  They deserve to get caught, just like anyone does when they make it obvious.  It also bothered me that I didn't say something.  I know my company is really iffy about approaching shop lifters and what not.  Plus I could feel my adrenaline rising immensely fast and I know if I said anything, I would have blew my kettle.  I don't know, can't say I've never stolen a thing before, maybe nothing like a $40 shirt, but it bothered, maybe I've grown up? I'm not sure, it's such a debatable topic.  This shows how awful the economy is, more crime, no one has money to afford anything, and everyone always wants new things, mine as well steal it right? Or maybe I just hate it when shit gets stolen and then at work we get bitched at for it and we lose money and that's less to the day and that means less hours.

Being at work makes me really not like people.  I do honestly spill my guts to how I feel about people and their stupidity.  For example: There was a promotion, Buy ONE get ONE HALF OFF,  all CLEARANCE items. Yes, there's the most simplest and descriptive statement about the promotion.  So I had a woman come up to my line and almost every one of her items were new. I figured cool more money for us, but at the same time I had a feeling something was coming up, no one buys all new stuff after the holidays.  I ring her up like any normally bundle f things and give her the total.

"WHAT?! Isn't everything bogo???"

"No, the sale is BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF CLEARANCE "

"That's not what the girls said at the door"

I then proceed to ask  over the headset, addressing to the two coworkers up front, Marielle and Erin, the woman's issue and I asked what they said.  One didn't even say anything and the other said the correct promotion.  

"No, they did not say that, you just heard what you wanted to hear"

"No, That's what they said!"

"No, you have selected hearing and heard BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF, not the CLEARANCE part because you didn't want to"

and she sighed and paid. 

I was being honest in the most calm way possible, but sometimes the truth hurts, deal with it.

I'm really hoping I don't have school tomorrow.  Not that I can't sleep in normally on Monday's nor do I ever do anyway, but I'd have a WHOLE free day, so it'd be like a 4-day weekend.  This semester is hard, I don't know why.  

Part of me wants to believe the news on their theory that it is going to snow here in South Jersey about 6-10", part of me thinks it is a load of shit.  But it seemed like the sky was having a case of flurry diarrhea I'll listen to my own personal philosophy and believe when I see it.

I had the most awful dream last night.  My brother died.  I can't remember how, it was something tragic though and I remember bawling my eyes out because everything I saw reminded me of him.  It was terrible and I wanted it to end.  I've never had the strongest most personal relationship with my brother and I feel like this dream proved that even though we don't have that kind of relationship, I still really care about the kid. 

At work, one of my co-workers, Ali, was telling me about how she's been to at least 11 countries and all these crazy trips and it really made me feel like I haven't experienced enough traveling. I mean I know I'm only 19.. in 2 months, but I just feel that I don't know what is suppose to happen in the future, and I like to take advantage of every moment I can.  So I began a new ambition, to save to travel.  Even if it is for a week, I'll drink as much black tea my kidneys and bladder can handle and stay up to everything.  But Matt's mom even said to me how she regrets not traveling as much as she should have when she had the chance.  I'll take her pseudo advice.  

Speaking of Matt, he needs to get here to try the amazing Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter milk shake I made!!!!

Cliche first post.

So I decided to actually hop on the band wagon and start a more public blog.  I doubt I'll get any "followers" but if people read it that's cool.  I'm not really creative enough to come up with catchy titles for my blog, obviously I don't think it is that important.  It personally bugs me when people try to put really "witty" and "intellectual" things because they are convinced they are creative and smart when they really look dumb, but if it helps them get though the day cool.

I'm really tired all the time.  I feel like a middle aged person who gets sleepy the same time every night.  Have I lose my "young adult" stamina to stay up later and be up for doing things past 10pm? It's 10:52 PM on a Saturday night and I'm ready to pass out.  I really would like to do work to catch up for this week.  Maybe I'll get up early tomorrow, not even maybe, I know I will. Do something, then Monday I will, Tuesday, some after school Wednesday and during breaks, and this coming weekend.   I want to be prepared for mid terms, especially for US History Since 1865, since I have to read an ENTIRE book by March 26th.  

The book is Babbitt.  Honestly, it looks and sounds interesting, but I have no time to get down to the nitty gritty.

I've been trying to work as many hours as possible to pay off my car loan and so I have money for gas and Chicago.  It really kinda sucks telling myself I can't buy anything or go to shows, but I got to.  I'll survive.   I just really want to go out shopping and go to a few shows.  Maybe I'll catch a break.  People should be shopping some what to keep the economy from falling and to keep business running.

I can't wait for Chicago though.  I want like $100 for that weekend. Gas, food, and maybe a few accessories ( ;] ).  Hopefully we can bring some food.  All provide money for gas, ugh and tolls! As much as I hate vans, I wish someone had one for we can fit more people in to make it cheaper for us all. 

Bah, I just want my sleepy time tea.